Thursday, January 31, 2013

Fr. John Harvey

People ask me a lot (in a whining voice:) Where are the Saints? Why don't we have Saints now? My answer: They are all around us. They are silent, hidden, and working. Some want to see miracles: stars falling from the sky. Well, I knew a Saint: Fr. John Harvey, founder of Courage. I dedicated a chapter in my book to him.
Open your eyes and your heart, and perhaps you will meet a Saint too.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The New Trend: Romance Porn for Women

For decades, the female market has eluded pornographers, whose all-male lenses zoomed in on body parts and had little context or dialogue. But today, with cultural and technological shifts that make pornography more acceptable and accessible there is now the arrival of so-called “Romance Porn.” Nielsen/Net ratings from 2010 revealed that 1/3 of the visitors to porn websites were female, which amounted to approximately 13 million American women a month, according to
Back when I was involved in porn, although I never appeared in a straight film, the heterosexual actors who did, told me that most of the time they would be shot from the neck down; the male viewers at home didn’t care about the men performers. Straight porn was all about the women. Today, the actors in straight porn are often just as beautiful as the women. This is not by accident. For example, the boyishly handsome porn actor James Deen, is a fan favorite with women; launching the new phenomena of heterosexual male porn stars. Although, in the past, their had been male porn actors who gained notoriety, i.e. John Holmes, they were an anomaly compared to the 100s of well-recognized female stars. That's all changing. And the advent of Romance Porn is only creating a new vehicle in which the powers of hell can, innocently it seems, take over a new segment of the human population.

Note: Back in the early-90s, I recall hanging out one Summer day at a female friend's house; she was an early-middle aged woman; a “fag-hag,” (gay slang for an older woman who befriends gay men.) She invited me and many of my cohorts over for a barbecue. I got there early to help out, but she refused. While waiting for the rest, I got bored and took a book from one of her shelves. It was a glossy covered romance novel. I had never read one before. I skimmed through it, and found that the sexual situations described inside compared with any of the lurid teenage memories I had of Penthouse Forum. I never forgot that. Seems that female porn has been around for awhile; its just taking on new forms. The devil can go after anyone: gender, religion, status – means nothing.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Janette Oke's Love Finds a Home; or How to Make a Man

Oddly enough, at the same time that I listened to Shelley Lubben's testimony in which she mentioned the TV series Little House on the Prairie, I also saw the Hallmark Channel presentation of Janette Oke's Love Finds a Home. The film was the final installment of the “Loves Comes Softly” series that bore many similarities to the 1970s Michael Landon show: both take place in the frontier West, include morally centered characters, strong family units, dramatic interpersonal problems, Faith-based resolutions, and strong female role-models. In Love Finds a Home, although most of the storyline centered around new town doctor Belinda Owens, I found the side narrative about her husband, Lee, the local blacksmith, and his new apprentice, Joshua, the more interesting. The adopted daughter, Lillian, of Lee and Belinda, takes an immediate liking to Joshua, and vice-versa. At first, although he is apprehensive, Lee allows the two to “court.” When Joshua brings her home late, Lee forbids the two to see each other for awhile. Joshua acquiesces to his demands, and despite Lillian's protestations, he refuses to go behind her father's back; he follows his orders.

The plot between the father and the young man is further evidence supporting my continued contention that boys can only become men through another man. Joshua's father figure, Lee, must instruct his younger ward, not only in the art of metallurgy, but also in the moral doctrines of masculinity. He first does this by setting a good example: in his marriage to Belinda. But, also by setting very clear ground rules, and then enforcing them, when Joshua takes an interest in his daughter. Lee is not tyrannical, but solidly indomitable. He is an instructor, but also a protector. Sadly, in today's society, especially in the decadent Western cultures, this type of masculine direction is all but abandoned. I first began to study this phenomena when I did some research, during my college studies, into the early Medieval artistic guilds: in which young men would be admitted to the service of a master craftsman. This went on through the Renaissance and into the pre-Industrial era. In fact, it was not usual, even in 19th century France, for young men to live with and shadow Catholic priests as part of their training. Today, fathers are often absent or distracted with the overwhelming burdens of modern economic demands. Boys flounder. They get sucked into other diversions and substitute families, such as: pornography, substance abuse, and street gangs. For this reason, I am a great supporter of a return to trade-schools. Perhaps, there, boys could find a male mentor and a manual vocation. If we do nothing, boys will continue to become just bigger boys: living at home, unwilling to commit, and stuck in a perpetual adolescence.  

Little House on the Prairie

Here is a brief excerpt from one of my favorite testimonials (for the full interview, see below) given by Shelley Lubben:
We were raised on television. All the time. Where do you think I learned all my false negative thinking about what love is; and what marriage is? I was sexualized as a kid, watching TV. I was sexually abused. The only training I ever got was 'Little House on the Prairie,' thank God I got a little bit from, honestly, that TV show...Nobody raised me. The devil raised me.
Although the entire retelling of her amazing story (a life filled with struggles) is always completely uplifting, I found most fascinating Shelley's reference to the 1970s TV show Little House on the Prairie. As Shelley and I are from the same generation, I too had fond memories of the series. The show was a sane speck in a world of entrainment that had been taken over by softcore porn, for the most popular shows of that era regularly attempted to push the sexual envelope: All in the Family, Maude, Soap, Charlies Angels, and Threes Company. All of them promoted the new alternative lifestyles of the day: cohabitation, homosexuality, promiscuity, exhibitionism, and abortion. They erased these once taboo evils and renamed them free expressions of the burgeoning woman's movement and gay liberation. Going directly against that tide, were the simple life lessons in Little House on the Prairie that often revolved around the importance and the centrality of the family. The show has often been unfairly lambasted as being saccharin sweet, but many of the episodes were often dark; i.e the horrific death of Mary's baby. Only, Michael Landon, the shows producer and a man who endured his own difficult childhood and two failed marriages, usually guided everything back to the nurturing and healing bastions of Faith and the family. Perhaps, his troubled early years and personal relationship problems, instilled a desire to create healthy and committed families on the screen. Thankfully, one of his son's, Michael Landon Jr., has gone on to produce some of the only family friendly fare (Love Comes Softly and others) of the past decade. So far, his family life seems to mirror that which often eluded his father.  

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Cosmopolitan is Porn

Censored by author.

This magazine is sold at check-out lines in almost every grocery store; for all the kiddies to see. Its porn! And the articles are crazy: “Threesome Confessions.”

Judge Dredd is Gay

I am actually totally sick of the whole gay comic book character “coming-out” as gay genre, but I feel a duty to once again warn parents about the insidious brain-washing campaigns going on through the world: a concerted effort to normalize gay sexual relations; acceptance of homosexuality as a natural derivation; and the sexualization of children.

The writers of the legendary lawman Judge Dredd have caused a stir among fans by suggesting he might be gay. The latest edition of the comic 2000 AD is titled “Closet” and deals with the issue of a teenager coming out. The first page has been released on the internet and apparently shows Dredd - a judge/policeman form the future - kissing the youth in a gay club.

Masturbation: The Silent Scourge

Last night, once becoming intrigued after learning that Linda Lovelace was raised a Catholic, and attended Catholic schools, I started digging a bit deeper into her background. In her bizarre, but telling porn-era biography, “Inside Linda Lovelace,” she described her adolescent obsession with masturbation, teenage introduction to pornography by a rebellious female friend, and eventual employment as a stripper. Interestingly, in her autobiography, 1990s porn star Shelley Lubben told of her similar early childhood preoccupation with masturbation. As a porn-addicted 8 year-old, I was also a habitual masturbator. Although, I did not explore this problem, all that thoroughly, in my book, now, I wish I would have, for there is a definite connection between early reliance upon masturbation and later involvement in pornography and or the sex industry. Unfortunately, masturbation is no longer perceived as harmful: either physically, mentally, or spiritually. In fact, media outlets as diverse as FoxNews, “Men's Health Magazine,” and (of course) Planned Parenthood, tout the endless benefits of masturbation. In reality, masturbation is incredibly stunting, especially in the male. It encourages a constant inwardness; a craving for self-satisfaction. It subverts the life-giving act of sexuality into something that exists for pure pleasure. From my own time in porn, I always found it odd that the vast majority of the male actors had to stop having sex, then masturbate, in order to achieve climax. The other person, pretty much disappeared. This is related to the contemporary phenomena of couples who like to watch porn as they have sex. Sex has become not about two people sharing their love for each other, but about one person with another person: using each other. Pope John Paul II foretold of this sad crisis before the dawn of the porn-age in his apocalyptic book: Love & Responsibility (1960.) Now, we are all living with the human costs: couples who live together in order to discover if they are sexually “compatible:” married couples who quickly bore with each other's bedroom proclivities, then divorce; people of all walks-of-life who seek out more intense stimulation through porn, swinging, sex toys; misguided children who become prematurely sexual active in a vain attempt at happiness and self-gratification; and the enormous rise of sexually transmitted diseases and a reliance upon abortion. This Nation, and the world, requires an enormous amount of healing. And it must begin with our children. They must be protected and educated (by their parents and the Church.)

Friday, January 25, 2013

St. Margaret of Antioch

I find this story completely fascinating. The image of being swallowed by the devil is one that reappears in my book. Before now, I had no idea that St. Margaret of Antioch even existed.  

The holy St. Margaret was of the city of Antioch, daughter of Theodosius, patriarch and prince of the idols of paynims. And she was delivered to a nurse for to be kept. And when she came to perfect age she was baptized, wherefor she was in great hate of her father.
On a certain day, when she was fifteen years of age, and kept the sheep of her nurse with other maidens, the provost Olybrius passed by the way whereas she was, and considered in her so great beauty and fairness, that anon he burned in her love, and sent his servants and bade them take her and bring her to him, “for if she be free I shall take her to my wife, and if she be bond, I shall make her my concubine.”
And when she was presented tofore him he demanded her of her lineage, name and religion. And she answered that she was of noble lineage, and for her name Margaret, and Christian in religion. To whom the provost said: The two first things be convenient to thee, that is that thou art noble, and art called Margaret which is a most fair name, but the third appertaineth nothing to thee, that so fair a maid and so noble should have a God crucified.
To whom she said: “How knowest thou that Christ was crucified?”
He answered: “By the books of Christian men.”
To whom Margaret said: “O what shame is it to you, when you read the pain of Christ and the glory, and believe one thing and deny another.” And she said and affirmed him to be crucified by his will for our redemption, and now liveth ever in bliss.
And then the provost, being wroth, commanded her to be put in prison. And the next day following commanded that she should be brought to him, and then said to her: “O good maid, have pity on thy beauty, and worship our gods, that thou mayest be well.”
To whom she said: “I worship him that maketh the earth to tremble, whom the sea dreadeth and the winds and creatures obey.”
To whom the provost said: “But if thou consent to me I shall make thy body to be all to-torn.”
To whom Margaret said: “Christ gave himself over to the death for me, and I desire gladly to die for Christ.”
Then the provost commanded her to be hanged in an instrument to torment the people, and to be cruelly first beaten with rods, and with iron combs to rend and draw her flesh to the bones, insomuch that the blood ran about out of her body, like as a stream runneth out of a fresh springing well. They that were there wept, and said: “O Margaret, verily we be sorry for thee, which see thy body so foul, and so cruelly torn and rent. O how thy most beauty hast thou lost for thy incredulity and misbelief. Now believe, and thou shalt live.”
Then said she to them: “O evil counsellors, depart ye, and go from me, this cruel torment of my flesh is salvation of my soul.” Then she said to the provost: “Thou shameless hound and insatiable lion, thou hast power over my flesh, but Christ reserveth my soul.”
The provost covered his face with his mantle, for he might not see so much effusion of blood, and then commanded that she should be taken down, and to shut her fast in prison, and there was seen a marvellous brightness in the prison, of the keepers.
And whilst she was in prison, she prayed our Lord that the fiend that had fought with her, he would visibly show him unto her. And then appeared a horrible dragon and assailed her, and would have devoured her, but she made the sign of the cross, and anon he vanished away. And in another place it is said that he swallowed her into his belly, she making the sign of the cross. And the belly brake asunder, and so she issued out all whole and sound.
This swallowing and breaking of the belly of the dragon is said that it is apocryphal.
After this the devil appeared to her in likeness of a man for to deceive her. And when she saw him, she went to prayer and after arose, and the fiend came to her, and took her by the hand and said: “It sufficeth to thee that thou hast done, but now cease as to my person.”
She caught him by the head and threw him to the ground, and set her right foot on his neck saying: “Lie still, thou fiend, under the feet of a woman.”
The devil then cried: “O blessed Margaret, I am overcome. If a young man had overcome me I had not recked, but alas! I am overcome of a tender virgin; wherefore I make the more sorrow, for thy father and mother have been my good friends.”
She then constrained him to tell why he came to her, and he answered, that he came to her to counsel her for to obey the desire and request of the provost. Then she constrained him to say wherefore he tempted so much and so often Christian people. To whom he answered that naturally he hated virtuous men, “and though we be oft put aback from them, yet our desire is much to exclude them from the felicity that they fell from, for we may never obtain ne recover our bliss that we have lost.”
And she then demanded what he was, and he answered: “I am Veltis, one of them whom Solomon closed in a vessel of brass. And after his death it happed that they of Babylon found this vessel; and supposed to have founden great treasure therein, and brake the vessel, and then a great multitude of us devils flew out and filled full the air alway, awaiting and espying where we may assail rightful men.”
And when he had said thus, she took off her foot and said to him: “Flee hence, thou wretched fiend.” And anon the earth opened, and the fiend sank in.
Then she was sure, for when she had overcome the master, she might lightly overcome the minister.
Then the next day following, when all the people was assembled, she was presented tofore the judge. And she not doing sacrifice to their false gods, was cast into the fire, and her body broiled with burning brands, in such wise that the people marvelled that so tender a maid might suffer so many torments. And after that, they put her in a great vessel full of water, fast bounden, that by changing of the torments, the sorrow and feeling of the pain should be the more.
But suddenly the earth trembled, and the air was hideous, and the blessed virgin without any hurt issued out of the water, saying to our Lord: “I beseech thee, my Lord, that this water may be to me the font of baptism to everlasting life.”
And anon there was heard great thunder, and a dove descended from heaven, and set a golden crown on her head. Then five thousand men believed in our Lord, and for Christ's love they all were beheaded by the commandment of the provost Olybrius, that time in Campolymeath the city of Aurelia.
Then Olybrius, seeing the faith of the holy Margaret immoveable, and also fearing that others should be converted to the Christian faith by her, gave sentence and commanded that she should be beheaded. Then she prayed to one Malchus that should behead her, that she might have space to pray. And that got, she prayed to our Lord, saying: “Father Almighty, I yield to thee thankings that thou hast suffered me to come to this glory, beseeching thee to pardon them that pursue me. And I beseech thee, good Lord, that of thy abundant grace, thou wilt grant unto all them that write my passion, read it or hear, and to them that remember me, that they may deserve to have plain remission and forgiveness of all their sins. And also, good Lord, if any woman with child travailing in any place, call on me that thou wilt keep her from peril, and that the child may be delivered from her belly without any hurt of his members.”
And when she had finished her prayer there was a voice heard from heaven saying, that her prayers were heard and granted, and that the gates of heaven were open and abode for her, and bade her come into the country of everlasting rest. Then she, thanking our Lord, arose up, and bade the hangman accomplish the commandment of the provost. To whom the hangman said: “God forbid that I should slay thee, virgin of Christ.”
To whom she said: “If thou do it not thou mayest have no part with me.”
Then he being afraid and trembling smote off her head, and he, falling down at her feet, gave up the ghost.
Then Theotinus took up the holy body, and bare it into Antioch, and buried it in the house of a noble woman and widow named Sincletia. And thus this blessed and holy virgin, St. Margaret, suffered death, and received the crown of martyrdom the thirteenth kalends of August [July 20], as is founden in her story; and it is read in another place that it was the third ides of July [July 13].
Of this virgin writeth an holy man and saith: The holy and blessed Margaret was full of the dread of God, sad, stable, and worshipful in religion, arrayed with compunction, laudable in honesty, and singular in patience, and nothing was found in her contrary to Christian religion, hateful to her father, and beloved of our Lord Jesu Christ. Then let us remember this holy virgin that she pray for us in our needs.

Art v. Pornography: An Excerpt from My Book

Actor James Franco had this to say at the Sundance Film Festival: “They [pornographers] are looking for ways, just as we are when we make a fictional feature film, to be find the next level...There are a lot of videos they do that are not that far from the things that certain performance artists have done...It’s just next to art — it’s just that their frame is one of pornography.”
As a former porn actor, I can testify that what he is saying is not true. I feel somewhat qualified to make this judgment, as I have a graduate degree in Art History. I delve into the question of art v. pornography to a greater degree in my book. Here is a brief excerpt:
As Michelangelo proved, all great art references the past, but then moves onward. Pornography descends from caricature: pottery statues of crude satyrs, phallus charms, and the explicit drawings of sexual positions on the walls of the Roman baths. The doomed Romantic poet John Keats wrote, “A thing of beauty is a joy for ever: Its loveliness increases; it will never/Pass into nothingness...” All the ancient porn which has survived the eons is now a mere curiosity. Art lives on. It can inspire, but if untempered by the Spirit, may become taken over by darker forces that only wish to degrade the majestic. Years after returning to the Lord, I stood under the figure of Jonah in the Sistine Chapel; the masterpiece the artist almost killed himself to complete. Like the Biblical hero, I contorted my neck and turned upward. My mouth agape as I marveled at all of the exquisitely painted nude male flesh. Michelangelo created the perfect mortal form that truly reflected the Creator. We only see the beauty. Lust issues from hell, not heaven.

The Catholic Church: Stands in Front of the Gay Marriage Wave

Somewhat like their counterparts in Australia, the Catholic Church in the US is also having to fight to maintain religious liberty. The fate of gay marriage legislation in Rhode Island could hinge on the exemptions it affords religious groups that oppose it, after the House overwhelmingly passed the bill. In legislative testimony, a representative for the Roman Catholic Church raised concerns that Catholic schools and charitable organizations could be forced to change employee benefit policies if compelled to recognize the same-sex spouses of employees.

Linda Lovelace

I have not seen the soon-to-be released film “Lovelace” starring Amanda Seyfried as 1970s porn-star Linda Lovelace, but I am already somewhat disturbed by the beautiful and glamorous posters advertising the film that are covering the internet. First of all, Seyfriend is much more physically attractive than the real Linda whom she bears little resemblance to. Secondly, I have seen some of the original posters for Lovelace's movies and none were as eye-catching or prettified as these. Although the film is reported to be “gritty,” the image they are selling is not the life that the living Linda Lovelace portrayed in her books. I don't get it. If they really wanted to pay homage to the torturous existence of this sad woman, they would have cast someone not so stunning; and discarded any box-office stratetgy that included the actress looking hot and sexy.
While researching Linda Lovelace, I was amazed to discover that Linda was raised a strict Catholic, was known as “Miss Holy Holy” in high-school because she wanted to become a nun, and dated very little as a teen-ager. Her downward spiral began when she met a conniving and manipulative man who introduced her to sexual deviancy and hypnosis. Goes to show: anyone is susceptible to the endless machinations of the Satanic realm. Linda was used by the dark powers to usher in the era of porn-chic; the effects of which we are still living with. From the marketing campaign of the current bio-pic, looks like Linda is getting used all over again. Linda Susan Boreman, May you rest in Peace.  

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Devil and Shelley Lubben: A Porn Star's Escape

Lady Gaga is a Devil-Worshiper

One of my blog readers informed me that apparently the ex-hairstylist for Lady Gaga quit her employment because he discovered that she is a devil-worshiper. No big surprise here. For, back in 2009, she revealed that she once worked in the sex industry. She said: “I was working in strip clubs when I was 18...” Speaking from experience, there is no easier or quicker way to become demonically possessed than to get involved in pornography, stripping, or any other sexual deviancy; this goes not only for the participants, but for the viewers as well. As for the Gaga report, the only references I found to the story were in the blogosphere. I could not find any main-stream media sources. This is what the hairstylist said:
“She was usually liquored up on cheap whiskey when she came in for treatment. One day, when she was mumbling more than normal, which I found out later was her actually speaking in tongues, I saw the number 666 on her scalp and I quickly asked for god to protect me. She rose up out of her chair and floated 3 feet above the ground while yelling…..”
Your god is not here Michael. Nor will he ever be. Now give me some more highlights and trim my bangs you worthless (expletive.)”
With that in mind, I have always thought that this statement by Gaga during a 2009 interview with Barbara Walters is the most telling: “It wasn't really so easy for my dad, especially in the beginning...We didn't talk for months after the first time he saw me play, and my mother told me he was afraid I was, like, mentally unstable.” These are all signs of possible possession by demons. But, Gaga has never made a secret of her delving’s into the dark-side. Another one of my readers tipped me off that gaga admittedly modeled the scent of her perfume on “semen and blood.” Enough said.
The lessons from all of this: parents who allow their children to listen to this woman's music should not be then surprised to find their kids becoming demon possessed; porn is a sure and grease-slicked route into the demonic; the devil is sometimes right in front of us. The devil is real; our only hope is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A Short Biography

Many of you have asked me for a bio. I had one written, but as it was rather explicit, I didn’t want to publish it quite yet. Now, as my book is available, I will post it here. Much of the materiel, I directly gleaned from my book.

            I was born in 1969, not far from San Francisco. My father was a hard-working immigrant from Sicily, and my mother a California girl who grew up in a broken home. They married, in a Catholic Church, though not in the sanctuary, as my mother had been raised Baptist. Later, they had four children. I was the youngest. My mother later converted, and my parents saw to it that we all attended Catholic parochial schools. I was a child of the 1970's and 80s, when, unfortunately, the Church experienced the worst of the repercussions from the Second Vatican Council. After thirteen years of Catholic education, I left, knowing next to nothing about my Faith. I remembered the kindly guitar strumming religious sister, but I did not know many prayers, nothing of Sacred Scripture, Catholic dogma, moral teachings, or the Rosary. Religion felt inconsequential, unrelated to my life. I thought I didn’t need it.
            After graduation from high school, I was always nervous and restless; I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I decided to go to college and waste some time. I picked the University of California at Berkeley, not because of any academic aspirations, but for its liberal reputation. Somewhere along the way, I feel in love with the study of Art History and was accepted into the program. Perhaps, it was my inner longing to find true beauty, away from the ugliness of the world. Right away, I began to notice a strange spiritual emptiness within me. One day, while walking near the campus, I wandered aimlessly into a New-Age curiosity shop. Immediately, I became enthralled with the seemingly discordant mix of Eastern philosophies, Western paganism, and witchcraft. From that moment onwards, I began to create my own religion based upon my personal needs, interests, and fleeting desires.
            During the same period of time, I ponderously questioned my sexuality. I didn’t know if I was straight, gay, or bisexual. From a very young age, I was exposed to both soft and hard-core pornography. As a child, I repeatedly rummaged through my old brother's things in a desperate need to find porn magazines. By the time I reached my late-teens, I was buying my own issues as well as X-rated videotapes. In the same spirit of further exploration, I started picking up female prostitutes then made several trips to the legal brothels in Reno, Nevada. At first, I enjoyed myself, then the risk and expense became too much. To my great relief, I discovered adult novelty stores that featured video-booths in the back of the shops. There, I began having anonymous sexual encounters with various men. After one night of deviance, I started to hear strange voices in my head. They told me to go to certain locations and to do bizarre things; usually of a sexual nature. The first place the voices guided me was to a gay bathhouse.
            At one of these sex-clubs, I met my first lover. He was an older man who, at first, introduced me somewhat cautiously into the gay lifestyle. Then, our relationship quickly digressed to include more extreme sex-acts. We eventually tired of each, and I moved on, steely and cynical, to his other friends. Many enjoyed the experience of sex in public or having their exploits video-taped. In the beginning, I got a new thrill from being an exhibitionist. Later, as I was already bored, oversexed, and burned-out, this also began to no longer interest me. Then a friend told me about an amateur pornographer who paid guys to masturbate in front of his camera. I thought the idea rather tame, but I gave it a try. What I found surprisingly exciting, was the copious amounts of praise that I received. In my twisted mind I became a star; if only to a third-rate porn pusher. But my initial dalliances with pornography did not end there. Like a drug addict, in need of a more powerful fix, I jumped into the world of BDSM (bondage, disciple, and sado-masochism) pornographic films. My involvement took me to a new level of demonic possession. Satan gave me power.
            The dark ritualism within the world of S&M neatly complimented my already advanced knowledge and interest in all things related to the occult. For large segments of the gay population, sex became ceremony. It was the highpoint of their religious experience. Many found solace in this. And for fleeting moments, I too could forget the pains of my tormented soul. But that also faded. I then began to pick-up random men at various cruising points throughout San Francisco. In the meantime, I was still doing an occasional cheap porn film: not for the money, but to bring a few cherished minutes of excitement into my increasingly dull life. Porn became just another route of escape. I was running from myself, but to nowhere. Near the end of my sordid existence, a stranger who invited me to his home tried to kill me. By then, I wanted to die. I begged him to murder me. But, he didn’t.
            Sinking to my deepest level of degradation, I took part in a violent series of sexual performances that brought me to the edge of damnation. Later that same night, I ended up in a hospital emergency room. The demons arrived and began to escort me to hell. I was scared, and, for the first time in years, I called out to Our Lord Jesus Christ. Immediately, the demons left me alone. Then, I started the long road back to healing. Thankfully, there was still a small mustard seed of Faith within myself that even the years of being saturated in evil could not eradicate completely. Through the Grace of God, I became reacquainted with a humble Catholic priest that I once knew, and he heard my lengthy Confession. But my soul was still not at peace. I couldn’t accept God's forgiveness. I thought that I was perpetually stained and forever undeserving of love. Instead of banishing the devil from my life, I clung to all that I was. In a foolish attempt to flee Satan, I entered a secluded religious community where I thought I could hide. Even there, the devil found me.
            Against my stubborn will, I returned home to California and tried to start over again. But I was stuck in the past. Out of nowhere, a newly ordained priest visited the city where I lived. He was giving a series of talks about the power of the occult, so, of course, I went. When he met me, it was as if he already knew much of my story. He took me into a little room, in the enormous old building where he was speaking. There, he placed his stole upon my head and delivered me from the grip of Satan. The demonic spirits of self-loathing, hate, and fear left me. Finally, I could receive the love of Jesus Christ. He took me into his strong arms, where, at last, I found the sustenance I spent years searching for. After that moment, life has surely not been easy. But I have never abandoned my belief in God. More than a decade later, the Lord is now asking me to tell my story that others may not make the same mistakes I made.


Harry Potter Actor Promotes Gay Sex and Deviancy

Another Hollywood hedonist doesn’t care what your kids see, as long as they spend money on his films: Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe is taking the fantasy genre to an entirely new level, most recently acting out an explicit gay sex scene in a movie premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. In Kill Your Darlings, Radcliffe, who plays gay poet Allen Ginsberg, goes completely nude in several sex scenes with other men, makes out with co-star Dane DeHaan, and also appears in another sexual situation with a library clerk while DeHaan’s character looks on. As far as Potter fans being duped into watching a movie that includes graphic gay sex because of him... Radcliffe said: “I don't care why people come and see films...If they come and see a film about the beat poets because they saw me in Harry Potter, fantastic. That's a wonderful thing. I feel like I have an opportunity to capitalize on Potter by doing work that might not otherwise get attention. If I can help get a film like this attention, that's without doubt, that's a great thing.”
This all brings me back to memories of a dear friend of mine in college: I was in my early-twenties, while he was 7 years older. Stupidly, I often looked up to him. He loved Ginsburg. Once, he read to me a “poem” by Ginsberg which was about him masturbating with a dildo. At the time, I was far from a prude, but I was still shocked. This was all part of my grooming process into the world of deviant sex. But I accepted it. I thought my repugnance; a latent hang-over from my timid upbringing. After all, this guy was being taught in universities; therefore, it must be OK. As an aside, Ginsberg was also a vocal supporter of NAMBLA (The North American Man-Boy Love Association.) Now, we must all bow down to our new heroes.


Lady Gaga Reenacts an Occult Ceremony at The White House

Lady Gaga rode into The White House inauguration party on a flying saucer piano from hell. After that, she thanked the president for standing up for gay rights and dedicated “Born This Way” to him. As is often the case with her, like when she arrived at an awards ceremony in a cytoplasmic pod, Gaga mimics a strange extraterrestrial imagery that departs from the campiness of 1950s sci-fi and takes a page right out of the devil's playbook. This was most strangely self-evident in the horrific prologue to the music video “Born this Way,” in which she gives birth to an alien baby. Her aesthetic reminds me more of the hardcore seen in BDSM and underground fetishism (in the video for “Bad Romance.) Katy Perry has also gotten into this strange fetish with her song “E.T.” Not to be left-out, the talentless Ke$ha told a radio interviewer that she recently had sex with a ghost and then wrote the song “Supernatural” about it. For myself, this only strengthens my belief that the entire UFO and parapsychology network is nothing but demonic infestation and possession. Somewhat, all of this reminds me of the 80s horror film The Entity. Only, that film failed on several levels to take-on the full spiritual significance of demonic influence upon the lives of Man. In a bit of self-promotion, if you want to find out what really happens to a person that dabbles in the occult: read my book Swallowed by Satan

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Katy Perry: More Harmful than Madonna?

I tend to avoid this woman every time I see a photo or article about her on the internet, but when I saw that she “entertained” the nation's children at a special concert celebrating Obama's inauguration, I had to read more. As I already knew, she is being held up as a model for the American youth, much in the same way the media celebrated Madonna back in my generation. But what Perry is doing is much more insidious. Unlike Madonna, who Lady Gaga is descended from, Perry covers her debauchery with a thin layer of sugar coating; this happened quite literally when she stuck mock candy all over her body in the kiddie-porn music video for “California Gurls.” Madonna, and her stepdaughter Gaga, have always been overtly sexual and never hidden their desire to push what was acceptable. Perry, hides behind a false veil of innocence. Hence, the bizarre reality of Katy Perry costumes for kids. But, like Satan, she is a huckster. She sells one thing, but delivers another. If one were to follow the mantras in her songs: staying out all night and getting blottoed, the results are: rape, disease, and or death.  

Kid's Toys that Link to Child-Porn: Truly Shocking

From the UK, this report: One Google search for Pokémon brings up links to porn websites. When searching for Pokémon X videos on Google, people browsing the internet can come across links to hardcore porn. NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) spoke out to stress the need for parents to keep an eye on their children's web activity. A spokesman said: “This shows the internet can be a Wild West, sometimes leading to children being exposed to unsuitable material...This is a growing problem that needs to be tackled.” Nintendo plans to release Pokémon X and Y on the 3DS later this year.

None of this happens by accident; the porn-pushers know exactly what they are doing. They understand how the internet works, and they can manipulate the technology to hook kids into looking at porn; for they are the future (and present) stars and consumers. Much of this Pokemon stuff links to very hardcore anime depictions of simulated child-porn. It's all very sick and depraved. I get truly frightened when I see how easily; a child can go from searching for a toy or game to looking at the most heinous types of pornography in the world. Parents, if, you allow your kids on the internet: be sitting right next to them the entire time.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Some Random Thoughts on St. Joseph, Porn, and Sleep:

Back when I was in the gay lifestyle and the sex industry, I literally never slept. I remember one time, for about 6 weeks, I did not close my eyes even once. Scientists may say this is an impossibility, but the devil does not follow the laws of Nature: that is how he has men and women convinced that two men and two women can be just like a married couple with kids, and the white-picket fence, etc. I was the opposite of my namesake, the great St. Joseph, the man whom I love above every man on Earth. I could not dream. I could not hear the Lord. I was alive, but dead. 

(Note: Men who are addicted to porn have written to me and revealed that when they go on porn binges, they often do not sleep for days at a time.)

Our Lady of Fatima, Pray for Us

The pilgrim statue of Our Lady of Fatima (Portugal) visited a local parish. I took these pictures. At first I thought she looked rather sad; now, I am seeing more loving concern. As a mother would watch her child, whom she knew was getting into trouble, but, like St. Monica, stood back and prayed for their safety. Our Lady of Fatima, Pray for America. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Archbishop Georg Gaenswein: A Real MAN of God

This past summer, I was truly blessed to attend two Papal events in Rome: the Corpus Christi Mass and Procession and the Holy Father's General Audience. At both occasions, I also purposely observed Archbishop Georg Gaenswein, the Prefect of the Papal Household and the personal secretary of Pope Benedict. Before, watching televised ceremonies from the Vatican, on EWTN, I came to admire the humble Gaenswein. His purposeful cadence, holy attitude, and graceful attention to sacred details, solidified the possibility, in my mind, of the masculine Catholic priest. For all of my life, the image of the priest, since childhood, was always semi-aged, somewhat asexual, and or distantly indifferent. When I saw him in-person, he is thoughtful and self-contained, but not narcissistic. He is the servant to the Holy Father, but still stands tall. He is a man. Sadly through, while I was researching him, many vicious journalists and commentators hinted at a homosexual identity. The world, can not accept a truly holy man who is also manly; they must make him gay. It is their attempt to disregard and nullify his power. I pray, that he is a model for future religious men; and all men who strive for Godliness.

SpongeBob, Part II: A Plea

I can not stop thinking about this SpongBob porn parody. The Lord is urging me to speak-out. It's telling on so many levels. Before this: the porn-pushers were clearly targeting the pre-teen and teen audiences with the spoofs of Spiderman, Superman and Batman, but the SpongeBob film sickly shoots for the adolescent age group: I am claiming that this stuff strategically lures toddlers to tweens. I can see generations of children being seduced and possessed by pornographic demons. There is a silent and bloody war going on right now. Prisoners are being taken; and the causalities are high. But no one sees. If these kids survive, they will be completely shell-shocked, damaged and disturbed (speaking from experience;) or worse: they will become monsters.  

SpongeBob, the Porno: I Could Not Make this Stuff Up

Thanks to a loyal reader of my blog, I have become aware of yet another shameless attempt to lure kids into watching porn, the release of: SpongeKnob SquareNuts XXX; a parody of the popular children's cartoon series SpongeBob SquarePants. Goes to prove, yet again, that the porn-pushers will leave no stone unturned. The making of such a film serves two evil purposes; first: the title and character will attract children, simply because of the franchise's recognition status; second: unsuspecting, but unmonitored, children innocently searching for the real SpongeBob on the internet will invariably hook onto this porn Trojan horse.

Big Shock of the Week: Porn Negatively Effects Relationships (Ya Think?)

Use of pornographic material in a relationship has "overwhelmingly negative" consequences, Britain's leading sex and relationship experts have found. Around 70% of men aged 18-34 admitting to using porn at least once a month, the Daily Mail reported citing Cosmopolitan magazine. The magazine questioned 68 sex and relationship experts about the effects of porn on relationships, and the result was said to be "overwhelmingly negative" Around 86% of the therapists believe porn had a negative effect on relationships and 90% have seen an increase in relationship problems due to porn. As porn is now so easily accessible, plain "vanilla" sex was becoming less desirable, while porn addiction is on the increase. Almost all of the therapists surveyed - 94% -- have seen an increase in incidents of porn addiction and 63% believe porn increases men's expectations of sex with their partner.

Friday, January 18, 2013

This Week's Porn #1s

The #1 porn film in America is the kiddie-grooming: Superman vs. Spiderman; the #1 movie on the gay charts is another comic-book inspired child-appealing title: Batman and Robin: An All-Male XXX Parody. The other spots on the various lists are filled out with an ample number of anal sex titles.

My heart breaks for this country. But, it is not too late. Pull the children away from the computer, the hand-held devices, and the television. The devil has opened a doorway into our reality: it is technology. The demonic angels of hell are now flying through the ever growing chasm that we have helped them to create. The Lord Jesus Christ is our only Hope.

A Prodigal Son Goes Back to Mother Church: My Story

Recently, as I have been trying to finish my book, I have often thought back to the year 1999, when I left the gay lifestyle, porn, and death – and the Lord carried me to a safe place of healing and protection. For this reason, I love the image of the Good Shepherd, surely this is what Jesus did for me. He found me: wasted and half-dead, picked me up, even though I stank of sin and corruption, and took me back to His home. There, Our Lady nursed me back to health, and the stalwart St. Joseph taught me what it truly meant to be a man. When I tried going back to the Lord's House, I found it unlike the little home of Nazareth. When I was a young teenager, I walked away from the Catholic Church. I thought it useless and silly. I longed for a true devotion that included doctrines, mysteries, and ritual. I thought I found that in the occult. Back with the Church, I limped to a local parish and became immediately disenchanted. Nothing much had changed in over 10 years. From the start, I got blasted with loud piano and guitar music. I thought: these people are way too cheery. Britney Spears was super-hot at the time, and many of the young girls in attendance wore belly-shirts with ample amount of muffin-top showing. The priest appeared lackadaisical, the homilies left me asking: “What did he say?” It was all so trivial and forgettable. At the Our Father someone tried to roughly grab my hand; I instinctively pulled away. At Communion, the altar area became crowded with distracted looking lay women. I was exhausted. I was like a wounded animal – shoved in a cage. I wanted it to be quiet and peaceful, and I needed to be mended. I kept thinking, don’t get close to me, I will bite your arm off. Disgruntled, I found out about a Latin Mass in Sacramento. I didn’t want to make the trip, especially every Sunday, let alone everyday, but I went anyway.
The Church, was in a dumpy part of town that bordered on scary. The priests were merely guests at the parish. (Years later, they would found their own chapel.) I walked in, and the architecture was nice, but stripped down. The place was packed, and I got relegated to a pew towards the back. I knelt. The church overflowed with modestly dressed women and men in suits. I thought: “What's an ex-porn star doing here?” “I must be crazy.” Then the priest arrived: a hush took over; and the Mass began. The priest's beautiful cadence, the deliberate and graceful movements when he handled the sacred vessels, and his palpable Faith, transformed the dreary surroundings. I had never seen a man be so angelic and beautiful, but remain entirely masculine. I felt myself getting swept up. I had no idea what he was saying in Latin, but it felt holy. When he addressed the congregation, he spoke about the modern world, about sin, and the constant need to combat evil. All that I thought I desired in the swirling embers of the occult, I found in Catholic tradition. “Why had we abandoned it?” God led me to this church. Here, I could find solace and time to reflect and ask for pardon. I didn’t need the tambourines, I needed to be able to hear the calming whisper of Jesus Christ. I stayed there for as long as I could, but the past still haunted me. The devil kept my sins before me, and I could not accept the loving forgiveness of the Lord. I ran away. I fooled myself, and others, into believing that I had a religious vocation, but I just really wanted to get away from San Francisco, my horrible former life, and all that I had done. I joined a semi-monastic community secluded in the deep wounds of Pennsylvania, and the Lord placed me in His arms and shielded me from the devil. But, the Church is not a place to escape. The Lord brought me back to the sight of my former near-annihilation. Here, He asked me to speak. To tell the story.

(Catacomb of  Callixtus)
(William Dyce)
(Nathan Greene)

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Sexualization of the Angelic Realm

Not satisfied with corrupting the Earth with their filth, the porn-pushers are now attempting to punch a hole into the angelic realm and sexualize the beatific deities of heaven. I trace this preoccupation back to the sexploitation film Barbarella; in which the nude Jane Fonda has sex with a male angel. I have maintained that most contemporary pornography descended from the soft-core films of the late-1960s and early-70s. After that wall was breached, the queen of the so-called 70s jiggle shows, Charlie's Angels, became a teen hit with wide-eyed boys (including myself.) During the 80s and 90s, there were some bright spots with the likes of Michael Landon's Highway to Heaven and the series Touched by an Angel, which launched a short, but heavily New-Age influenced pop-culture obsession with all things angels. Since then, darkness reigns: adult entertainment has incorporated bastardized angel motifs into a porn lexicon that comes straight from hell.

Scroll down (images censored by author.)

Fra Angelico (15th Century)
John Duncan (early-20th Century)
It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
The Bishop's Wife (1947)
Barbarella (1968)
Charlie's Angels (1970s)
Touched By An Angel (1990s)
Gay Porn Angel
Victoria's Secret

Now: Star Wars Goes Gay

I another attempt to force our children into believing that homosexuality is just another one of many acceptable alternative lifestyles: the makers of Star Wars have unveiled the first ever gay characters in its latest computer game. Designers behind 'Star Wars: The Old Republic' have included a "gay" planet called Makeb where male and female characters - and aliens - have same sex relationships. BioWare, the Canadian studio behind the game, said that the characters have been introduced after pressure from gay fans. "As we have said in the past, allowing same gender romance is something we are very supportive of," Executive producer Jeff Hickma said in a post on the official website.

The Last Bush Era Obscenity Trial

The last of the Bush era obscenity trials finally made its way through the judicial system. Plan on not seeing anymore for a very long time. The type of porn that was produced by this sick individual reminds me of the stuff I did way back in the early 90s. Then, before the internet even came into existence, no one would have thought to sell such material openly on the commercial market. And that is exactly what this man was doing. He likened them to “home movies,” but they no longer became private or personal expressions when he posted them on the web; for the whole world to see. It is my contention, that the so-called main-stream porn-pushers are intimately aware of what the “extreme” pornographers are doing as they often co-opt the imagery and subject matter of these back-street guys and place them in their own more up-scale productions. It is the process in which these types of deviant behaviors gradually become de-scandalizing, and eventually accepted by the public.

A federal judge sentenced a Los Angeles man to four years in prison for making and selling videos that showed bestiality and women consuming human waste during sexual activity. Ira Isaacs, 61, formerly of the San Fernando Valley, was convicted of obscenity charges after a jury trial last year. His attorney, Roger Jon Diamond, said he will appeal and believes the videos Isaacs made are protected speech. "It's not mainstream porn. It is extreme," Diamond said. "But my point is no matter what it is, that's why we have a First Amendment. It's to protect the unpopular."
Starting in 1999, Isaacs sold explicit videos produced by others through several websites, prosecutors said. He called his business L.A. Media. Later - about 2004, according to prosecutors - he started producing his own videos, some of which Diamond said showed people eating feces and drinking urine. Other videos depicted women having sex with animals. He sold them on the Internet. The FBI and Los Angeles police investigated Isaacs, and two Justice Department units prosecuted him: the Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section and the Asset Forfeiture and Money Laundering Section.
Diamond said everyone in the videos was an adult, adding that this fact often surprises people who assume that only producers of child pornography are prosecuted under obscenity laws. Diamond said the movies, which Isaacs shot with a handheld camera while also performing in them, are more like home movies than commercial porn. "There's no music; there's no costumes. There's no real plot," Diamond said.
Isaacs is free, but scheduled to turn himself in to the Bureau of Prisons. He did not speak in court, but later told Diamond he was glad he got prison time because it will bring more attention to the case. The case was launched by the Justice Department during the administration of President George W. Bush and was handled by prosecutors from Washington, D.C., who could not be reached for comment. The Supreme Court has ruled some obscene material is not protected by the First Amendment.
This was the third time prosecutors had taken the case to trial; the first two attempts ended in mistrials. In 2008, Judge Alex Kozinski recused himself after the Los Angeles Times reported he had sexually explicit photos and videos on a personal website. In early 2012, a second jury could not reach a verdict.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Harvey Milk: The Gay Saint or Boy Lover?

For many years, I respected much of the work done by the late author and journalist Randy Shilts, who was really one of the first gay literary figures to expose the rampant promiscuity within the gay culture; namely in his exhaustive And the Band Played On (1987.) Earlier in his career, he wrote a celebration of sorts about murdered San Francisco politician Harvey Milk. I found the following excerpts from The Mayor of Castro Street (1982) the most interesting:
"It would be to boyish-looking men in their late teens and early 20's that Milk would be attracted for the rest of his life." (page 24)
"...sixteen-year-old McKinley was looking for some kind of father figure...At 33, Milk was launching a new life, though he could hardly have imagined the unlikely direction toward which his new lover would pull him." (pages 30-31)
"Harvey always had a penchant for young waifs with substance abuse problems." (page 180)
From my own sad experiences within the gay environs of San Francisco, I found that Milk's predilections were far from uncommon. (In my upcoming book, I will go into greater detail.) For many older men within the gay world continually lure, deceive, and then feed upon those who are just entering the homosexual sphere. It's all sickeningly vampiristic. Much of this is the result of earlier childhood trauma; the molestation of a boy by a trusted adult. Tragically, when these wounded boys grow up, they repeat it all over again.

Note: In California public schools: May 22 is celebrated as “Harvey Milk Day.” 

Please Do Not Support These Businesses

A group of 50 Illinois business leaders and organizations that includes Google, Orbitz, and Groupon, as well as the CEOs of Hyatt Hotels, Navistar, Morningstar, and Johnson Publishing, have come out in support of marriage equality in Illinois, with a letter telling the General Assembly that allowing same-sex marriage would, among other things, make Illinois more competitive when it comes to attracting top talent, as well as bringing millions of dollars into the state’s coffers. The Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act, which would allow gay and lesbian couples to get married in Illinois, if passed by the General Assembly could make Illinois the 10th state in the nation to legalize same-sex marriage. Those who signed the letter, include: the Chicago Urban League; Google; Orbitz; Groupon; Bill Daley; Ron Huberman; J.B. Pritzker; Lance Chody, CEO of Garrett Popcorn Shops; Desiree Rogers, CEO of Johnson Publishing Co.; John W. Rowe, Chairman Emeritus of Exelon Corp., and Joseph Mansueto, Founder and CEO of Morningstar, Inc.

Which Kills More Kids: Guns or Porn?

American children are suffering from a hidden epidemic of child abuse and neglect. Every year, 3.3 million reports of child abuse are made in the United States involving nearly 6 million children (a report can include multiple children). The United States has the worst record in the industrialized world – losing five children every day due to abuse-related deaths.1. In addition, about 58,000 children are abducted in the United States annually by people who have no blood relationship to them, according to the latest statistics from the U.S. Department of Justice (2011). According to Nancy McBride, national safety director at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, the great majority of these crimes are “sexually motivated.” Contrast this with the following data: the Children’s Defense Fund report, which was released March 23, 2011 is based largely on U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data from 2008 and 2009. The group’s analysis found that 2,947 children and teens died from gunfire in 2008 and 2,793 died in 2009. Although, the number of children killed by gunfire (this includes suicides) is not negligible, it palls when compared to the millions of kids who are abused, molested, kidnapped, and murdered without ceasing; most of the time this happens because of porn-fueled fantasies engrained within the minds of sick adults. What are you going to do about this Mr. President?

1. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Children’s Bureau. (2011). Child Maltreatment 2010. Available from

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Celebrities Put Kids at Risk

Vulgar and untalented “comedian” Kathy Griffin, who performed a mock-fellatio on Anderson Cooper during the CNN New Year's telecast, tweeted this about the “coming-out” statement made by Jodie Foster during The Golden Globe Awards:
'I'm a big #JodieFoster fan, especially 2nite. Her speech tells LGBT youth: America has evolved, b proud of who u are!!'

In my opinion, what Griffin is doing is very dangerous. For not all kids who believe that they might be gay live in the homosexual rarified atmospheres of Hollywood and San Francisco. Coming-out can be dangerous. They are putting children at risk of assault, or even death. But, they do not care: all they want to do is prove their point; score a point on rhetoric; in Griffin's sad case: further ingratiate herself with her gay fan-base.

Girls Lured into Porn

Nearly a third of teenage girls have met people offline after becoming online friends, according to a new study. In many cases the identity of that online character was not fully confirmed before the teens set up a real-life meet-up. In addition, one in 10 experienced some form of exploitation — ranging from creepy sexual advances to rape — during that offline interaction. The study, published (Jan. 14) in the journal Pediatrics, looked at teenage girls, half of whom had been abused in some way in real life. These are the same girls that the porn-pushers hope to lure into the sex industry. Like many others, they are often lonely, unloved, and wanting for male affirmation. Some, simply fall into promiscuity, making their rounds about their prospective middle-schools and high-schools. Later, they come down with an STD, get pregnant, and have an abortion: bitter and hardened, they are left abandoned. Others, fall directly into the pit of pornography. There, they put on a false mask of glamour. Other depressed young girls, looking on their home computers, see these shining stars, and hope to emulate them. Then, the whole ugly story replays.

Another healthy and happy porn star. is currently running a slide-show of the most popular porn-stars of 2013. They chose the most beautiful and flattering images of the woman. Sick propaganda at it's worst. Link: