Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Another Innocent Life Snuffed Out by Porn: Please, No More...

Whitney Heichel

This has been a horrendous few days for porn-related stories; but there is never a good porn story. Right now, there are three that speak volumes: First, the children of the “Octomom,” I don’t know who this woman is, are sexually abusing each other, apparently after watching their mother's porn film; Second: the despicable Miley Cyrus wants her friend, a 20-year old porn star, to appear in one of her upcoming music-videos; Third, the murderer of the beautiful Whitney Heichel, whose disappearance in Oregon made national headlines, admits to viewing child-porn. The first story plainly reveals the corrosive and perverting nature that porn has upon children. It can turn Tom Sawyer into Ted Bundy. And we will all, especially our children, have to walk the streets with these corrupted and dangerous children one day. We are making the future serial killers. The second story, makes me the most angry, for illiterate and decadent celebrities are fueling the glamorization and further legitimization of porn in the main stream media. They have given porn a world stage. The last story, the saddest and most tragic, is the fruit of this nation's love of porn: innocent young people being tortured and slaughtered by the maniacs that porn has made. None of us are safe.  

Sunday, October 28, 2012

A Warning from Shelley Lubben: Lady Gaga Works for the Devil

Former porn-star turned Christian evangelist said: “Satan always has replacements for you parents who don’t pay attention to your kids…he’s got plenty of parents out there who would love to raise your child…Lady Gaga, do you know Lady Gaga is the offspring of Madonna…Madonna has many children…she has more kids in the porn industry than anywhere…we wanted the same sick admiration that she got from men and boys.” Shelley got this so right. I think Madonna also had an influence on us guys. Her “Like a Prayer” video got me interested in the occult, and then “Justify My love” did the same for my burgeoning obsession with sadomasochism. While in porn, in my sick mind, I thought that I was created art…just like Madonna.

Ex-Gay Porn Star Says: The Devil Loves Anal Sex

Saturday, October 27, 2012

America: A Nation of Porn Stars

I was thinking about possibly starting a ministry in which I would speak to people about my past life in porn. Then I thought: “...but what the heck am I going to say?” I can talk for hours about the horror stories I witnessed in the porn underworld that can scare listeners who still have a conscious, hopefully into not watching pornography any more; how everyone who does porn is demonically possessed and mentally and or physically diseased; how watching porn can turn you into a mindless slave to perversity. While all those points are true and need to be heard, I mainly would like to testify to the hard fact that porn is turning us into a nation of pathetic would-be porn stars; even our precious children. I got to this conclusion by going-over my own life, and how and why I initially got involved in porn. I was a young innocent child that, from a very early age, was exposed to pornography. This completely warped my mind, and by the time I was a teenager, I had become a full-blown sadist and sexual deviant. At 20, making the jump into porn was really no big deal. Today, we have middle-schoolers sending nude sext-pictures of themselves to their fellow classmates; the average age for a child's first exposure to Internet porn is 11; children are “coming out” as homosexuals, sometimes even before puberty; Katy Perry, former Christian singer turned the queen of soft-core pop, packs in tween girls at her peek-a-boo strip shows that masquerade as concerts; common dregs are turned into media-darlings by “leaking” supposedly stolen home-made porn films. This is what porn has brought us to; our complacency is bringing death upon us. My heart aches for these children. For I know what awaits them.

Friday, October 26, 2012

St. Joseph: The Model for REAL Men

I was thinking the other day about what it is to be “a real man.” Is it be be big and buff, loud and boisterous, pushy and obnoxious, over-sexed and perpetually turned on. I think these are all contemporary pop-culture misconceptions about masculinity that are primarily influenced by the likes of the WWF, X-rated films, and the hip-hop culture. They have the greatest lasting power with our children. These false ideas have given rise to the epidemic of steroid use among teenagers, homosexuality, the explosion of Internet hard-core porn, rampant promiscuity, broken marriages, the phenomena of domestic violence, and the popularity of Viagra. Then what is genuine masculinity? I look towards the model for all men: St. Joseph.
St. Joseph was a man of few words; in fact, none are recorded in Holy Scripture. But he was a man of action. Not the Rambo type of shoot-em-up rampaging that is sadly the basis of all current so-called “action” movies, but of a subtle and deliberate movement which always was in supplication to the Will of Our Lord. When God spoke, Joseph listened. But Joseph was not dense and robotic, he was incredibly cerebral; he was a dreamer. This was not a lethargic type of self-centered star-gazing, but a conscious openness to every whisper emanating from the mind of the Father. Reminds me of this line from The Bible: “...believing, you shall receive.” (Matthew 21:22) Joseph had this constant receptivity to the Lord. And to be always this vulnerable, as well as silent, requires much humility and strength.

Modern examples of this type of man I seen in Blessed Andre Bessette, in Jeffrey Hunter's restrained performance as Jesus Christ in King of Kings, the character of Billy Roberts in Jack London's novel The Valley of the Moon, in both Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, who need no swagger to prove they are strong, and in Blessed John Paul II, who had an incredibly manly and vigorous persona that he always tempered with the greatest fragility mirrored in his love for Our Lady.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Gay Agenda Kills Yet Again

Some things really drive me crazy. I was doing my daily web-search for articles about the gay community, when I saw this picture on the Internet of a sweet-faced young boy. I was saddened to read that he killed himself this year. He had “come out” at school and the other kids rather ruthlessly teased and harassed him. I got angry; not so much at the children, who tortured this poor boy, for they are merely reflecting the increasingly inconsiderate and vicious character of our society, but at the gay interest groups who are pushing the homosexual lifestyle (even to our children.) First of all, this boy was 14, he should not be “coming out” at all. I am strongly opposed to this absurd ritual, especially in children, which opens them up to public castigation and possible physical harm. The gay agenda has encouraged this activity, particularly among celebrities, and by also forcibly “outing” others who do not want to be a part of their social rampage, strictly for political reasons. Sadly, it has all trickled down into the general populous, including to our kids. I was further sickened when I discovered that numerous gay web-sites are using this dead young man's image, and those of several other homosexual boys who committed suicide, to further the so-called cause. Reminds me of the Matthew Shepard media blitz back in 1998. The gay advocates do not love these misguided children, they only want to use them. If they die, well, all the better in order to prove their point.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A More Modern Jesus

Found this interesting painting of Jesus while looking for something else on the Internet. While not really Classical fine-art, nonetheless, it is very well executed. I think this is an example of where religious art can have a more contemporary sensibility. But still remain inspiring. Modern art does not have to always lapse into the gimmicky or the shock-for-shock sphere. This piece pays homage to the past, but, at the same time, moves forward and incorporates a more humanistic and personable approach. I like it.  

The Theology of the Body: The Right First Step for Teens?

Ever since I was a teenager, I have been obsessed with all things of the 1950s. This probably had something to do with my early exposure to pornography as a child, and some inner longing for a more innocent time. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about “The Theology of the Body” as formulated by our great Pope John Paul II. When I got out of the porn lifestyle, I picked up just about any book I could find on Catholicism. I remember starting something about “The Theology,” not Love and Responsibility, which I tried to adsorb later, but by another author. The whole time, while trying to read it, I was: whoa, what is this about? It's not that I was too young or uneducated: I was 30 and already had my Master's degree. The problem was: I had been so immersed in the world of sexual perversity, that the beautiful subtleties of “The Theology” whizzed by me unnoticed like a far-off whisper in a crowded stadium. I didn’t get it. Much later, after healing and forming a very intense and trustful relationship with Jesus, I could then appreciate what the Holy Father was teaching us: the sanctity of the sexual marital union between a man and woman.
For the most part, I believe that today's youth are equally, if not exceedingly, entrenched in the sexually promiscuous mindset. This does not mean that all are sexual adventurers, I am sure that many are still virgins, but that most have become accustomed, if not accepting, of the contemporary immorality that pervades all of pop-culture. Therefore, I can not see how teaching “The Theology” to teenagers, as an initial introduction to sexual morality, can be effective. I recommend a sort-of shock-therapy. They need to be told the unfiltered and totally raw TRUTH about what a free and liberated sexual lifestyle entails: unhappiness, hate, desperation, disease and death. They need to be scared. Because they certainly do not get anything near the reality from the mass media. Of course, it is never advisable to stay at that state in the spiritual life: but if it helps to reorient one to the Lord, it is a good thing. Then, once they have been thoroughly enlightened, the healing can begin, a relationship with the Lord can take root, and the deeper meaning of sexuality can be conveyed and understood.
Just take a look at the two photos above: one from the 1950s, the other from our current world. The children of today are exposed to this disaster on a daily basis. These serious times, require some strong and bad-tasting medicine.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Barack Obama: The First Gay President

I turned off the Presidential debate last night: half-way through it. I just could no longer stomach the snarkiness coming from Obama. In my estimation, he is the first gay President of the US. For I see the same psychosis in him that I observed in most of my gay friends. Like many homosexual males, he came from a home with either a distant or non-existent father (in his own words: Obama remembers being with his father for only one month out of his whole life.) Sadly, his mother essentially abandoned him to be raised my her parents. This is where another component of the typical gay male background falls into place: an overbearing female figure (his grandmother.) This sets up most boys to idolize the heroic male figure (as Obama did in his book Dreams of My Father) or to fixate on the masculine ideal as an unattainable trope. You see this in the homosexual cabal of the early brown-shirts and their love for Hitler. Obama reveres the megalithic solidity of Eastern-bloc style socialism: bureaucratic, all-encompassing, and feigning a care for the masses while building an isolating autocracy. But as with many gay men, when challenged, he becomes petulant and whiny. He does better when surrounded by like-thinking comrades: especially he cadre of “fag-hags:” Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Kathleen Sebelius, Nancy Pelosi, Janet Napolitano, one and on... As with Bill Clinton, he likes to surround himself with shrewish women; for Clinton it rendered them safely neutral and unattractive sexually; for Obama it is a return to the domineering mother. There he feels protected. But along with this, is the longing to assert himself: to be like his dream image of the father. When faced by a genuinely masculine and self-assured man, such as Romney, he shrinks, and relies solely on rhetoric and foot-stomping. Obama is a hurt individual who never healed. He thought that politics would be the route to happiness. But the spotlight has only revealed his major flaws, while a complete individual, Romney for instance, only grows stronger with every challenge. But I still wonder if the American people will go with Obama, as they are as wounded as him. They see him as a kindred-spirit, not as a weak and ineffectual leader.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Fr. Christopher Crotty: The Last Mystic

St. Seraphim of Sarov

I just returned from a Conference where Fr. Christopher Crotty CPM spoke. I have heard him give these types of talks many times over the years, but this occasion was special. First of all, he has been looking different: he now has a long beard. Makes him look like an Orthodox priest. I like it. Secondly, he constantly refers to Russian and Greek Orthodox Saints: his current favorite being St. Seraphim of Sarov. I found it all fascinating. But first, I must admit, that in the beginning, I found Father’s healing practices a bit weird and freakish: I often thought to myself: All those people swooning. What’s up with that? But now, I get it.
Lately, as I have been trying to get my own book published, I feel as I if I am constantly pushing against a concrete trend in the Catholic Church: a sort-of Protestant over-reliance on Scripture; sola scriptura. Have we lost the mystic? But Fr. Crotty, like the Church itself, is a universal thinker. He pulls from all the diversity of the Catholic tradition. He can quote chapter and verse from The Bible as accurately and as quickly as any scholar, but he can also delve straight into the realm of levitations, the stigmata, and the relentlessness of the devil. He understands that there is the Word, but also that the Word became flesh. Likewise, he is a man of this world, but also completely outside of it. He has seen the dark side, but also the light. He is entirely grounded, but able to transcribe the eternal. He is methodical, but also prone to going where ever the Holy Spirit leads him.
On a very personal note, Father is a Holy-Warrior: part scholastic monk, part front-line soldier. Through him, the Holy Spirit swooped down and saved me. The breath of God took away my fears and I could finally trust in Our Lord. And indeed, Father titled his web-site “The Institute of the Holy Spirit.” And it is in the Spirit that he finds strength. St. Seraphim said: “It is necessary that the Holy Spirit enter our heart. Everything good that we do, that we do for Christ, is given to us by the Holy Spirit, but prayer most of all, which is always available to us.”
Sadly, and almost completely out of their control, I think many priests, especially diocesan, have become bogged down in the mundane and the purely material. They appear more as career purveyors of religion rather than in persona Christi. Father stills holds that wonder for me. Not because of any force of personality, as I found in other dynamic priest-speakers who have since fallen from Grace, but because he is simply a conduit to God; much in the same way as the Eastern icons that Father loves so much. He understands the road I have been down: filled with demons popping out of every corner. I laughed when, during his talk, Father said that he doesn’t like horror films. Like me, he knows there is enough real horror already in the world.


Hitchcock's Vertigo: The First Post-Porn Film

On my way back to Napa, from a Marian Conference, October 20, 2012, I stopped at Mission San Juan Bautista. I have always loved this Mission for its somewhat remote location, and the original rustic splendor of the large Church. There is a very solid masculinity about the place that reflects the hardened, but still ornately Baroque Christianity of the heroic Franciscans who built it. You can tell that they were solider-monks, the place is barrack-like, but of also great interest to me, being an old movie buff, the Mission was also chosen by the astounding Alfred Hitchcock for the climatic scenes of his masterpiece Vertigo.
Released in 1958, just five years after the launch of Playboy Magazine, Vertigo is the first post-porn era film. The movie traces the descending obsession of a San Francisco detective, played by the terminally conventional Jimmy Stewart, who is hired to follow the beautiful wife of a local near-do-well bon vivant. The seductive woman, Madeleine, played by Kim Novak, is an ice-beauty: cold, distant, self-contained, and destructive. She is the first modern personification of hard-core pornography. As she is not even who she appears to be: for the real Madeleine is only being impersonated by someone else: the commonly trashy, completely mixed-up, and love-starved Judy, also played by Kim Novak. As in pornography, no one is real; no one is who they are supposed to be; everything is artifice. In a side-story, Hitchcock also examines Stewart’s clingy and unhealthy relationship with his virginal ex-fiancĂ©. But he can not touch female reality; he is locked into the voyeurism of watching Madeleine. This mirrors the contemporary reliance of many men whose eyes are glued to the computer screen.
Stewart idolizes the image of a woman that he himself has created: then he becomes comfortable with his perversions. In the most disturbing parts of the film, like an amateur Dr. Frankenstein, he tries to make a real person, the impressionable and desperate Judy, into an artificial icon. Judy goes along with it, suffering the whole way, as do many modern female porn stars. But porn and voyeurism are not real. Here I am reminded of the smutty lingerie peddled by Victoria’s Secret and others that hapless women buy in order to tempt their men away from the demonic pull of Internet porn. There is also the sickening phenomena of “couples” pornography, designed specifically for men and women to watch together. This usually sets-up an epic fail, where, oftentimes, the children are left out in the cold. Similarly, in the movie, as with all pervasive obsessions, everything ends very badly for all involved.
Vertigo is a remarkable must-see: not only for its beautiful cinematography, peerless acting, and compelling storyline, but for the moral warning that it contains of the dangers of porn. For the film is about watching, and getting turned-on. About how corrosive and isolating the dangerous swerve into voyeurism can be, not only for the viewer, but for the one being watched. It creates false idols out of nothingness, raises impersonalization to the norm, and further alienates everyone in an already lonely and displaced world. But oddly, I walked away from San Juan Bautista, thinking about Vertigo and porn, feeling assured: the old Mission is still standing, and last week’s porn new releases are already forgotten; Jesus will triumph over all.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Our Lady of Guadalupe: The Destroyer of Porn

On my way to see Fr. Crotty. Stopped off at the Carmelite Monastery in Carmel. I love this outdoor shrine to Our Lady. Interestingly, Father, later at the Conference, said that Guadalupe is stepping upon the horns of Satan; represented by the crescent black moon. May she crush the evil demons of pornography. Amen.

Fr. Christopher Crotty

One of my favorite people in the whole wide world: Fr. Christopher Crotty, CPM. I met Father in 2001, shortly after he was ordained. He would play major role in my conversion back to the Catholic Faith.
Here is his web-site:

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Brave Words from a Brave Priest: On Homosexuality

Nordstrom and Gay Marriage

Another reason not to shop at the over-priced department store: Luxury retailer Nordstrom Inc. has jumped into the controversial gay marriage debate by openly supporting the rights of gay and lesbians to marry. The Seattle-based retailer joins other prominent Washington State corporations such as Starbucks Corp. and Inc. in favor of approving Referendum 74 which would legalize same-sex marriage in the state.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sanctity and Fame

With the feast-day of St. Teresa of Avila, I was doing some reading about her and I was somewhat surprised to discover how famous she was during her own lifetime. This got me thinking about the problem of sanctity and fame. I took a look at three Saints who reached celebrity status while they were still alive: St. Francis of Assisi, St. Teresa of Avila, and St. Bernadette. First of all, even in today's secular culture. St. Francis remains a pop-culture phenomena. His image reappears in garden statues, childrens' books, and even pet medals. His true power has been somewhat diminished by the influence of Franco Zeffirelli's misunderstood Brother Sun, Sister Moon, which caused many to reinterpret Francis as a medieval, flower-plucking hippie. In his time, Francis was a radical figure who inspired the laity and some in the clergy with his extreme forms of piety. He was so famous that he often escaped into the mountains in order find a semblance of peace. Here, on one occasion, he received the stigmata.
In her own right, Teresa of Avila stirred up an equal amount of admiration and hate. Her reforms of the Carmelite Order, and the distribution of her mystical writings, kept the eyes of the Spanish Inquisition always upon her. But she remained a faithful daughter of the Church. For she was always remarkably capable of staying above the fray. In one of the most bizarre encounters in History, Teresa caught the attention of the fame-hungry Princess of Eboli: the Baroque version of Paris Hilton. She was beautiful, rich, well-connected, and powerful. She envied Teresa's unattainable holy fame and tried to desperately glom onto her sanctity. When scandals plagued the Princess, she fell into disrepute, while Teresa went on unscathed.
Although Francis and Teresa, became famous on local and regional levels, particularly within the Catholic Church, the rise of the world-wide media made St. Bernadette into a global public figure. The photograph reproductions of her kneeling in the peasant cloths that she wore during the apparitions went everywhere. But unlike her famous predecessors, she retired young to the seclusion of a convent, rarely seen by the public after leaving Lourdes. And herein lies the secret to all three's ability to combat the corrosive and seductive lure of fame. At different times in their life, when the pressures and corruption of the world became too much, they retreated. But this was not a mark of defeat, they all knew that they needed the quiet of solitude in order to refresh their weary minds and bodies; and then once gain commune with the Lord.

In addition, none of them, unlike today's fake movie-stars and celebrities who constantly release their own home-made porn-films in order to get attention, endlessly tweet, and talk about nothing but their own personal desires, took themselves all that seriously. Francis, Teresa, and Bernadette were all well-known for their quick wit and often self-deprecating sense of humor. No one in the past 100 years more epitomized this disregard for fame and self-aggrandizement than Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Mother Teresa once said: “If I ever become a Saint — I surely be one of 'darkness.' I will continually be absent from Heaven — to light the light of those in darkness on earth.” (As quoted in Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light [2007] by Brian Kolodiejchuk.) She always recognized Man's, and her own, fallen Nature. In fact, Mother Teresa, required from her Sisters, and still does, time in every day for Eucharistic adoration. The world never sucked her in. Her life was in complete contrast to that of the late Princess Diana, albeit they died within days of each other. Though she often railed against the world, in the end, Diana, like many of us, became weak and succumbed to it's evil.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Six Steps to Stop Viewing Pornography by Father Jason Smith • Spiritual Lights (Fr Jason Smith)

One of the joys of my priesthood has been witnessing how God’s grace is stronger than any vice or addiction. Given the large number of people struggling today with Internet porn, I thought it would be helpful to offer some of the tips I often give as a spiritual director to help people overcome it. This is by no means meant to be a thorough treatment of the subject; it’s only a guide to get started.

Step #1: humble yourself.
Recognizing a problem is the first step to overcoming it, but that’s not the kind of humility I’m thinking of here. Most people who struggle with viewing pornography know they have a problem. The humility I’m thinking of is to ask someone you respect and love for help. Once the problem is brought into the light it is much easier to overcome.

Step #2: have someone hold you accountable in your Internet use.
There are two excellent software services—Covenant Eyes and X3watch—that help monitor how the Internet is used and send a report to an accountability partner you have previously selected, such as a friend, parent, or mentor. Knowing someone sees your internet history minimizes the strength of temptation significantly .

Step #3: fill the gap with something praiseworthy.
After you give something up you need to replace it with something better. Philippians 4:8 can be applied as a useful guide here: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Step #4: undertake real spiritual combat
Pornography is demonic, the twisting of God’s gift of sex and sexuality. Continuous use of it is an open window through which demons can enter one’s life. If this has happened the steps listed above are simply not enough to overcome it. Spiritual combat is also necessary. “Spiritual combat” is another element of life which needs to be taught anew and proposed once more to all Christians today. It is a secret and interior art, an invisible struggle in which (we) engage every day against the temptations, the evil suggestions that the demon tries to plant in (our) hearts. (John Paul II, 25 May 2002) I recommend keeping Holy Water near the computer, having recourse to the St Michael the Archangel prayer, and above all asking a priest to say a prayer of deliverance over you. To our modern world this may sound superstitious, but I have personally witnessed its effectiveness, and am convinced many struggles against pornography fall short because this has not been done.

Steps five and six are necessary parts of spiritual combat too.
Step #5 the Sacrament of Reconciliation
In Confession not only do we receive God’s forgiveness but also strength to continue on in the battle. Find a good priest who is both kind and demanding and go as frequently as needed. Don’t get discouraged if you continue to fall; our Lord gave us this Sacrament precisely because he knows we are weak.

Step #6: the Rosary
Anyone who prays the Rosary daily will begin to make significant progress in the fight for purity and in their own prayer life too.  

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Will You Stand With the Porn-Pushers?

Washington, DC (October 11, 2012) – By a margin of 69% to 13%, the pornography industry is supporting President Barack Obama over Governor Mitt Romney in this year’s election, according to a new survey by XBIZ.COM, the porn industry’s online journal.
Patrick Trueman, president of Morality in Media said he is not surprised that the pornographers are strongly in Obama’s corner, because the Obama Department of Justice has refused to enforce federal laws prohibiting distribution of hardcore obscene pornography. Federal law currently prohibits distribution of obscene pornography on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, through the mail and by common carrier such as UPS of FedEx.
“The porn industry is flourishing because the Obama Administration has given it a green light to distribute hardcore porn to every man, woman, and child in America,” said Trueman. “I don’t believe President Obama understands the devastating influence of pornography on American society and particularly to our nation’s youth. It contributes to lifelong addictions for children and adults, and increases the demand for child pornography and trafficked women and children,” he added. “We have done everything we know how to do to get the Obama Administration to enforce pornography laws, including getting nearly half the U. S. Senate and dozens of U. S. House Members to sign letters to Attorney General Eric Holder urging enforcement of current obscenity laws,” Trueman said.
XBIZ.COM noted, “Mitt Romney earlier this year, along with other Republican candidates at the time, offered assurances that if elected, they would direct the U.S. Department of Justice to prosecute porn producers for obscenity violations.”
Morality in Media is working with a 127-member coalition of national, state, and local groups called the War on Illegal Pornography to get federal laws enforced. The coalition includes many national organizations concerned about the negative influence of pornography on the family, such Family Research Council, Concerned Women for America, Focus on the Family, and Alliance Defending Freedom.
“American families are suffering from an untreated pandemic of harm due to the easy availability of illegal pornography, and nearly every American family is concerned about this issue,” Trueman noted. Mr. Trueman served as the director of the Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section in the Criminal Division of the U. S. Department of Justice during the Administrations of Ronald Reagan and George H. W. Bush, leading the successful prosecutions of dozens of major producers and distributors of illegal hardcore pornography.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Porn/Viagra Nightmare

Over the past six years, Janice Hiller, a clinical psychologist who heads the Sexual Health Psychological Services team at Goodmayes Hospital in Essex, in Great Britain, says she has seen an increase in the number of male patients dependent on Viagra. Her youngest patient has been 22. Janice blames the trend on an increasingly sexualised society and the unrealistic expectations raised by the internet. “After they have been exposed to a lot of internet porn, the major stimulus for men can become the pornographic image rather than the girl they are with. That can be damaging. These images go round in their heads and they then cannot become aroused with a real girl.” But this is exactly the psychosis the porn and the pharmaceutical industries are hoping to perpetuate. For even when men do become partnered or married with a real woman, they continue to use pornography, and therefore need more chemical crutches. Its an endless cycle. Women then become rightly frustrated, leave, and the children are left in the lurch. Porn is destroying our society.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Happy St. Francis Day: Another Look at Brother Sun, Sister Moon

Once I converted back to the Catholic Faith, I read every book and watched every movie I could get my hands on that were about the Saints. One film that I immediately hated was the 1972 film version of the life of Saint Francis titled Brother Sun, Sister Moon. I thought that the director, Franco Zeffirelli, though incredibly talented, overplayed the tenuous similarities between Francis and the then current counter-culture movement. I mean one taught abandonment and renunciation to God, and the other self-gratification and degeneracy. But when I looked again at the film, through the lens of Zeffirelli's earlier work, Romeo and Juliet, I begin to see truly what he was trying to achieve. Now, I think the film admirably tried to shed light upon the youthful love and joy in which Francis and Saint Clare entered upon their perspective spiritual journeys. As we often forget that Francis was, at the most, 23 years old when he began his ascetical life; Clare was a mere 18 when she entered a Benedictine convent. We have no clear idea of what they looked like, but they both must have been celestially beautiful, inside and out, as the two future Saints immediately drew a large following. This is reflected in the painfully gorgeous actors and cinematography in Brother Sun, especially by the other-worldly Judi Bowker who played Clare. This is a powerful message that resonates even today: that holiness and sanctity can be beautiful. Some have a common misconception that the Saints were always grim, sullen, and grouchy, continually fasting and whipping themselves half-to-death. For this reason, I have always loved the polychrome statues of the Saints in their glorified bodies: smiling and perfectly fashioned. In Brother Sun, we get a glimpse of that heavenly bliss.
On this day of Saint Francis, I want to particularly pray for all those lost in sin and corruption in the city named after him: San Francisco. I think it is no coincidence that a New World citadel, that would one day become the capital of sexual vice and homosexuality, was founded under the patronage of a man who left behind his own somewhat sordid past filled with an overabundance of luxurious living and frivolous amusements. When I was trapped in that hollow existence, I had no idea that the holy relics of this great man where just a few steps away on the edge of North Beach. May all those in darkness, so near to our beloved Saint, become aware of his Holy intercession on their behalf. Happy St. Francis Day.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

My Former "Gay" Life in Porn

I was born in 1969, not far from San Francisco. I attended Catholic parochial schools from kindergarten to the Twelfth grade. This was the 1970s and 80s, when the Church was feeling the first repercussions from the Second Vatican Council, Humanae Vitae, and the world-wide sexual revolution. I remember learning very little from my Catholic religious education, though I can still recall all the lyrics from “The Sound of Silence” taught to us by a smiling guitar-strumming sister. One peculiar incident that also always stood out from the fog of the past, was a priest telling my class that the best Catholics are those that question everything. He didn’t explain this concept, that would have been difficult as we were all still only pre-teens, he just threw it out there. Well, it stuck in my mind. Later on, as a young adult, I think I never really knew Jesus, therefore I could not believe in him. But I doubted everything the Catholic Church held as sacred: and the only place I knew these dogmas was when we recited The Creed during Mass. While being forced to go to church, either by my parents our as a part of some school function, I stopped saying it all-together.
 Once I turned eighteen, one of the first solo trips that I made was to the Castro in San Francisco. For those who may not be familiar with this neighbor, it is the epee-center of the gay world. Ever since I had been exposed to pornography at a very young age, I was perpetually confused about my sexuality. Was I straight, gay, or bi? I thought I could find out in the homosexual mecca. That day, I planned on meeting a friend there, but until he arrived, I had a few hours to kill. I walked around the area, stopping into the various antique stores and bookshops. In one place, that was crammed with old posters, antique bronzes, and furniture, I saw a beautiful watercolor hanging in the very back of the room. I could tell that it depicted several nude men standing around a lake. As I got closer, I was shocked to see that all the figures sported grossly enlarged genitals. This experience, though I could hardly realize it then, spoke much of what I would later find in gay culture: a longing for beauty and the divine that somehow always becomes base and materialistic.
 In the spirit of further exploration, I started picking up female prostitutes and visiting the legal brothels in Nevada. I enjoyed myself, but the risk and the cost became too much for me. Since I was already hooked on porn, I found some cheaper relief at local adult bookstores and theaters. I thought I was lucky, when I discovered that you could have anonymous and free sex with various men at these sordid dives. Thus began my dark descent into the world of homosexual promiscuity. Soon afterward, I started hearing strange voices. They told me to do things; to go to places that I had never been before. One of the first locations they guided me was a gay sex-club. I would make many such trips to that one and other such haunts around the Bay Area. I met my first lover there. He was older, wealthy, and kind, but equally deceptive. He introduced me to the kink sub-cultures. Once we tired of each other, I moved on to some of his friends. Many of them liked to be video-taped while having sex. At first I loved it, then I became bored. For gay man, there is this constant sort-of restlessness. Its pervasive and all-encompassing. The wounds that we can not admit to, are ever present. In our mind, the only remedy: is another man. For we lack the innate masculinity that should be present within us.
 One day, a friend told me about an amateur pornographer who paid guys to masturbate in front of his camera. I thought the idea rather tame, but I gave it a try. The adoration and praise that I received, if only from a third rate-porn pusher, was intoxicating. From there, I entered the universe of BDSM (bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism.) To keep my interest, I needed something more hard-core. Other men recorded our dungeon rituals. Then watching porn was a much more involved affair. You could not just click your finger, you had to actually get into your car and buy the stuff or order it through the mail. Back when I was in porn, pornography, especially gay porn, was a more inclusive and cultish affair. I was a part of the coven. From that point, I couldn’t stop. I felt myself always falling further and further downwards. I wanted some meaning in my life. Foolishly, I thought I found what I was yearning for in the occult. It started by dabbling in the New Age, that progressed to pagan ceremonies and eventually satanism. It fit neatly with the quasi-religious practices and symbolism that was everywhere in the gay culture: the sex act was the new sacrament. My new obsession gave me a fleeting sense of power, but everything only got worse.
Near death, vomiting up gallons of blood in a hospital emergency room, the demons finally came for me. At first, I cursed at the Lord, then I became frightened. I did not want to go to hell. For the first time, in many years, I called out to God. That instant, the demons left. For the next few days, I was catatonic. I didn’t know what to do. The only Church I had ever known was the Catholic Church. Could I go back? Did I even want to? Thankfully, our Blessed Pope John Paul II had published The Catechism of the Catholic Church since the time I left the Faith. Thank the Lord, my mother owned a copy. I turned to the section on homosexuality. There was hope. From my childhood, I remembered something about going to a thing called Penance. I tracked down a kindly priest I once to a liking to during the beginning of my fall, and confessed my sins. It all seemed too easy. Things were still not right with me. I felt sullied and evil. I clung to all that I was. I could not accept the love of Jesus.
I spent the next few years, running to and from different religious communities. I knew, deep down, that I did not have a religious vocation, but I felt safe in remote monasteries surrounded by religious and priests. I thought the devil could not find me there. I was wrong. Suddenly, I was forced to return to California and face my past once again. Through the Grace of God, a newly ordained priest was giving a series of talks on the occult in my hometown. I decided to go. Once he was finished, I spoke briefly to him. He seemed to already know much of my story. He asked me to follow him into a little room in the back of the church. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I sat down, he placed his stole on my head and prayed over me. I was delivered from the devils still causing my fear and lack of trust in the Lord. Now, I could love Jesus with my whole heart.
Occasionally, the forgotten whispers of my past will echo through my head. When I am under stress, anxious, or depressed, they sound almost melodious. They call me back. But the world that I once inhabited is a place I can not go back to; for there, only death awaits me. The struggle to remain next to Jesus is often a heavy burden. I believe that gay men are given a very special opportunity to carry the Cross with Our Lord and share in his most intimate sufferings. For we too, have known rejection and hatred. But we have a choice: we can surrender to our weaknesses and let ourselves be crushed or the weight can become light and joyful. Onetime, before Jesus saved me, I met a sickly man riddled with AIDS. He was not angry or bitter because he knew what had brought him to that state. Then, I thought his cheerful demeanor very strange. Only he had accepted the truth. His suffering was joined with Our Lord. He was doing what he had to do. And he died in peace.

LifeTeen Post: Gay, Catholic, and Doing Fine: A Really Bad Idea

I have noticed this article, Gay, Catholic, and Doing Fine, floating about the Internet for the past week. While I admire the candidness exhibited by the author, especially the strive to be chaste, as a man who lived in the gay lifestyle for 10 years and was a former gay porn star, I have a BIG problem with self-identifying as “gay” (most notable in the title.) First of all, I was surely not immune to this either. I jumped full force into the gay culture as a scared and confused teenager. I was desperately looking for some way to alleviate the pain of my unfulfilled masculinity. I thought that being “gay” was the answer; that other men would pass on their confidence to me. It never worked. I only got used up. To the author: You are not gay. Somewhere you were wounded and that is the way you instinctively coped with this hurt. The whole idea of being “gay” is a modern construct. It existed nowhere in pre-modern times. Although homosexual advocates love to point to the ancient Greeks, they had no word for “gay.” There were men who had sex with men, but it was never an exclusively-contained reality. What you have is SSA, Same Sex-Attraction, this is a psychological condition not a state of being. I was blessed to have been able to study at the feet of the great Fr. John Harvey, founder of Courage. He taught us that we are not a sexual psychosis; it does not define us. To identify as “gay” is dangerous, especially to youth. It feeds into the contemporary slogan that one is “born this way.” It also lets us off the hook to a degree: “ I am gay and that's the end.” But that is not the end. We must dig ever deeper to truly discover why we have this condition, and how God can heal us.

Here is a link to the article:

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

10 Most Vilely Pornographic Music Videos of All Time:

  1. California Gurls: Katy Perry (Perry takes kids on a soft-core tour around Candyland.)
  2. Open Your Heart: Madonna (Madonna lures a pre-teen boy into a peep-show.)
  3. Sexy and I Know It: LMFAO (Crassly disgusting in a lame attempt to be funny. Appeals to young boys who think fart-jokes are hilarious. Sick.)
  4. Baby One More Time: Britney Spears (Celebrates the sexual availability of teenage girls.)
  5. Justify My Love: Madonna (Nazi/S&M chic.)
  6. S&M: Rihanna (Tears a page from Madonna's book, but proves just how demented and raunchy someone will go for attention. One of the worst. The legitmization of deviancy.)
  7. Closer: Nine Inch Nails (The lyrics were bad enough; then the video went even lower.)
  8. Reach Out: Hilary Duff (The once virginal-looking singer goes for porn-star glam.)
  9. Girls on Film: Duran, Duran (Featured full-frontal nudity. Banned on MTV, but anyone could buy the VHS unrated version at the local record-store.)
  10. Bad Romance: Lady Gaga (Succeeds in making kidnapping, bondage, and prostitution seem almost attractive.)
Whats the point of all this? My theory is that music videos, advertisements, certain television shows, and other mainstream media projects serve the same capacity as did Playboy in the 1960s-1970s. They groom and introduce children to pornography; giving just a taste; therefore leaving them wanting something more hardcore. The ones at the top of the list may not be the most explicit, but they are incredibly loathsome as they intentionally target children.

Monday, October 1, 2012

I am Really Infuriated Today: Horrible Anti-Religious Freedom Law Signed in California

Gov. Jerry Brown of California has signed legislation prohibiting a form of therapy aimed at changing a minor's sexual orientation from gay to straight, the first law of its kind in the nation. Yet, minors can have access to abortions and birth-control. Outrageous! Although, I have great admiration for the men and women, and children with caring parents, who try this type of therapy, I have always wondered as to its success. Still, this does not give the government the right to prohibit it. As living proof, I know for a fact, that one can, through the Grace of God, become chaste even while struggling with sexual desires. With this in mind, thank the Lord, He sent us Fr. John Harvey, who I had the honor to know before his death, who founded the Courage apostolate within the Catholic Church in order to minister to those who struggle with same-sex-attraction. Are we next?